is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
