Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
