Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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