I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
