Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
