that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
