Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
