His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
