Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
