I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
