That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
