last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
