Can i not drive my cunt home
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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