my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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