Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
