bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
