the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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