yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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