I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
