I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
