i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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