On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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