I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
