And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
