so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
