ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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