Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
