i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize