so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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