Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize