i barfeds in our rink
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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