"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
