why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
