have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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