Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
