Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
