I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
