nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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