just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
