Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
