Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize