I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
