So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
