We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
