At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
