I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize