I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
