a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
