it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He felt like a one man threesome
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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