my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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