found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I love you.
Bad choice
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
