there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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