I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
