Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
