woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
