Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
