Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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