Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
