Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
