I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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