I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
smell my finger.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
