the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
