I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
