I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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