We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
