He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
