i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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