I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I am spending my child support on dildos
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
