is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
