She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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