so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
