wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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