Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
