Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
