does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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