ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
