I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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