Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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