I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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