Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My liver just had a heart attack.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
