First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize