I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
