I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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