She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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