i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
