so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
