Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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