Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
