Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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