i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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