I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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